The parents of an adorable baby in the borough of Rochdale were dismayed to learn today that statistically it is very likely that he will grow up to become a “massive bellend”.
Steve and Barbara Dickinson were cuddling their four month old baby boy Harrison when the sad truth dawned on them.
“I was just sitting on the bus thinking that there seems to be loads more dickheads around at the moment when it occurred to me that all these knobheads were babies too once.”
“When I was younger it was a fairly even split between people who were alright and people who are massive twats but in the last few years the knobhead-o-meter has definitely swung the other way.”
“Harrison is probably going to grow up into the Kardashians, reality television, whitening his teeth and wearing skinny jeans.”
“That bellend from the bottom of the street who drives that white Range Rover was a baby once and somebody undoubtedly said that he was adorable. And now look at him.”
“Half the babies are going to grow up to be fucking Conservatives and the other half are going to grow up to complete right-on knobheads who can’t laugh at a Jeremy Corbyn joke.”
“Statistically speaking Harrison is completely fucked.”
There is hope for Harrison. 1% of the population grows up into jolly nice chaps, like that bloke in the newsagent. However, as Barbara remarked, “Like father, like son, and Steve is a massive bellend, so yes, he’s totally fucked isn’t he?”
