A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and under budget.
Local builder Bob, who is known to his friends as Bob from Halesowen, finished the first floor extension to a local couple’s house with almost no fuss whatsoever.
Local office admin drone Steve Dickinson told Herald “We really weren’t expecting the house to be done this quickly. Bob told us it would be done by Christmas and frankly we didn’t believe him.”
“We were planning to make our excuses to the family and bugger off to Spain for three weeks over Christmas but now I suppose we’ll have stick around.”
“Trouble is we have a spare bedroom now so there’s nothing to stop my brother coming to stay. Ah fuck Bob, I can’t even depend on you to be unreliable.”
Mr Bernard Bentley, the local building inspector said “it’s extraordinary really to see an extension built in just a few weeks and for all of the costings to have worked out to be completely accurate. That never happens.”
Bob said “it was really strange, i put all of the numbers onto the back of a fag packet like I usually do and then added an arbitrary number. Just a guess I suppose and then I was able to buy all the gear I needed to build that extension for for less than that. It was spooky.”
Officials from the Institute of Science have said they hope to capture Bob and study him in the hope of one day being able to clone him.
Bob is understood to have received a number of death threats from other local building firms and is currently in hiding.
