Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans has told has told us that he inadvertently summoned Donald Trump to New Orleans.
The Mayor said, “I was going through a few things in my head whilst shaving. Nate had been upgraded from a storm to a hurricane. I was thinking about that and Katrina. I looked in the mirror and must have said ‘Hurricane’ three or maybe five times. The next thing I know he’s stood behind me in the shower.”
Trump allegedly told the mayor to take him to see hurricane survivors. One told us, “Yeah Trump came. That was fun. He made some speech about how this was the greatest hurricane season ever. That no season had seen as much destruction as this. After that he tosses a few life jackets into the crowd and flew off in a helicopter just as one of the levees broke and drowned a bunch of people.”
Some residents have been taking their own precautions against the hurricane. Fat, balding, idiot, Ted Skeat said, “I went out today and got loads of guns. I read on the internet that if you fire guns into the hurricane it weakens it. That’s what I’ve done.”
This isn’t the first such incident of Trump appearing. A woman in Florida alleges that she said “Golf” 5 times in the bathroom mirror a few months back. What happened next is barely believable, “He appeared behind me in the shower. He grabbed me by the pussy and flung me round the room.”
And only last week a Puerto Rican official said, “I said hurricane 5 times on TV. Next thing I know he turns up and he’s throwing kitchen roll around like it’s the first day of the baseball season.”
It’s understood that the issue isn’t limited to President Trump. Theresa May is alleged to have repeated “Boris Johnson” 5 times into the mirror of a Manchester hotel last week. Johnson is alleged to have appeared behind her with a knife and attempted to stab her in the back.
An aide told us, “Fortunately she was wearing her Shapps vest so no damage was done.”
