President Donald Trump has responded to criticism of his failure to rush aid to Puerto Rico in the wake of Hurricane Maria by promising to help Puerto Ricans who can present him with a dry US birth certificate.
The promise was made during a three hour long interview with the magazine “Golden Glow”, which is specifically focused on informing users of artificial tanning products on the latest developments in lotion science.
“Is Puerto Rica even an American lady?” Trump initially queried. “She sounds like a Mexican to me. Is she at least a bottle blonde? How long are her legs? Does she have smaller hands than me?”
When informed by the interviewer from “Golden Glow” that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States, President Trump was initially skeptical.
“How do you know? Have you seen their birth certificates? Do they fly the confederate flag?”
But half an hour later he seemed to grudgingly accept that the Puerto Rico was under his protection and care as POTUS.
“Should we send a ship? A big one. One illegals can’t get on. I’ll have Jared look into what happened down there. Are there good people and bad people there? Do they kneel when I come on television?”
The news that Hurricane Maria had caused wide scale devastation to Puerto Rico over a week ago seemed to take Trump by surprise. In particular the impact his failure to assist might have on his ratings in the territory.
“We’re going to help them. We’re going to do it fast. We’re going to do it tomorrow or next week.
“But only the ones who American immigration officers have confirmed have a dry US birth certificate. We let Obama sneak in without one and look what he did to the country. Is Puerto Rico next to Hawaii? Bigly help. It’s on the way. I’m going to tweet help to Ms Puerta Rica tomorrow!”