A Rochdale family who were due to fly with Ryanair to Alicante this week have had their flight cancelled. The family have told the Herald that contrary to what would be expected, they don’t see this as poor service. In some ways the service is better than normal.

Martin Williams told us, “Last year we flew to Venice. Actually, I say Venice. The nearest airport to Venice that Ryanair fly to is Ljubljana. When we got there we discovered that Ryanair had helpfully flown our luggage to Lisbon so the first thing we had to do was go clothes shopping. It was a good job we’d only spent €22.99 on the flights as we immediately spent €799 on clothes and suitcases.”

Mr Williams wife, Frascati said, “We’d arranged an airport transfer to our hotel with a Ryanair approved travel provider for a very reasonable €70 each. This turned out to be a 12 seater minibus driven by Slovenia’s answer to Mad Max. Not only that but, 80 people from our flight were booked on it. I’m still suprised that we all got on it and stayed on it for the 6 hours it took to get to Venice. The priority boarding we bought for €65 each was handy.”

The Williams family say that the only way that their customer experience could now be improved would be to have Michael O’Leary come round in person and glass them with some Ryanair brand beer glasses. Failing that, being involved in a plane crash and being charged €80 each for priority disembarking would be a close second.

When asked if they might book with a different airline next time the Williams said, “Of course not. It would probably be cheaper to bring Concord back and fly on that once you add all the additional Ryanair costs on. But, there’s a certain level of service that you expect and Ryanair are hard to beat for that.”

Ryanair refused to comment on the story unless we offered to pay €40 a word.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.