Volunteers at the Rochdale City Centre Food Bank have described cheering up considerably after someone anonymously donated a large box of voodoo dolls in the shape of Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Manager Emma Hubbard told the Herald that the cardboard box had been left overnight on the doorstep of the church where members of the public usually leave donations of food.
But when volunteers opened the box, instead of tins of soup and packets of pasta they found hundreds of cloth dolls bearing the likeness of Mr Rees-Mogg, complete with tiny spectacles, cow lick hairstyle and a miniature top hat.
The donor had also thoughtfully provided a box containing several thousand large, sharp pins with which to inflict magical long-distance injuries on the MP for North East Somerset and 19th Century Values.
Ms Hubbard explained,
“I’m not normally a spiteful or nasty person. I mean, I work in a homeless shelter all week and then volunteer at the food bank at weekends. But nothing gives me greater pleasure than sticking a massive sharp pin directly into the groin area of that smug Tory twat.
His party has forced over a million people into such dire poverty that they are literally begging for food from us to avoid starving to death. Working here can be pretty depressing, but going on a fag break and sticking a few pins in the eyes of a man who crows over starving children really takes the edge off.”
Ms Hubbard then gave a practical demonstration with a doll and a pin.
“Hope you find that uplifting, you giant Dickensian bellend.”