Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an end.
Apparently in late July sympathy for teachers was much higher, but has waned at a steady level as the days and weeks passed through the eyewatering length of summer school holidays.
The Rochdale Herald’s Wellbeing correspondent spoke to a parent in south London about how they were feeling,
“Increasingly excited.” Mrs S Shateured revealed. “At the end of the school semester in July I actually felt a deep sympathy when I looked at the thousand yard stares on the faces of the teachers at my kids’ primary school. I even bought them wine so they could smash their brains out as soon as the holidays began that afternoon.”
But now?
“Now I suspect most teachers are sociopaths. They’ve forced me to look after Magnolia and Oak for nearly two months. Every day. It has not stopped. Do you know how many times I’ve stood on the grass at my local park desperately agreeing lumps of clouds are pirate ships when all I wanted to do was sit down for five minutes and wonder what the hell I am doing with my life? Teachers deserve everything they’ve got coming to them when school starts again next week.”
For the teachers part there is a sense of deep foreboding. Most are reporting a quiet sense of dread at just how spoiled children have become over the last two months as increasingly frantic parents offered excessive bribes to get a few minutes peace and quiet.
“Why don’t teachers give us bottles of alcohol the morning school starts?” Mrs S wants to know. They’re just so selfish. If I have to applaud one more useless headstand I’m going to scream.”
