Over one hundred patriotic Daily Mail readers were hospitalised yesterday after inhaling toxic EU migrant gas while innocently sea siding at Birling Gap.
The weather was set English fair and the sky the colour of royal blue only England does for most of the day, but late in the afternoon a mist was seen speeding across the English Channel towards the Daily Mail readers.
“We’d had like an idea to get together and read one word each from the Mail on the beach.” Ron Bastard told the Herald.
“It was well lovely with the ENGLISH sun beaming down. No one does summer like England, God bless her little cotton socks. I read a word and then felt exhausted. While I caught me breathe me mate Cactus read another word before passing the paper over to his bird Mundy. She was too busy making us all proper English sandwiches, so she passed the paper onto some chap with a Saint George cross drawn on his forehead by his niece.”
Apparently the collective of one hundred Mail readers, who had labelled themselves a ‘century’ had almost finished a paragraph when the trouble occurred.
“It was this horrible stinking cloud. It’s got to have come from a Frenchman’s backside. Where else? You know what they’re like across there. No bloody manners that lot. Fleece you for your last groat too give them half a chance. I don’t care what anyone says, cheddar doesn’t make you fart like Brie.”
Ron went on to say that the crowd did try and flee the cloud before it made landfall but several of their mobility scooters became bogged and the group was forced to huddle and make shapes like a bait ball.
“This is just the start of it. Wait until Junker learns we aren’t paying a dime to leave the failing superstate. They can’t function without our cash propping them up.”
Ron warns that anyone visiting a beach in the English Channel from now on best wrap a hankie about their face and carry a bottle of liquid.
“It’ll be dog mess in bags next. You mark my words. They’ll stop at nothing to get back at us now we’ve reminded the rest of the world we’re still a force to be reckoned with. They should park that new aircraft carrier with the borrowed American planes in the entrance to the channel. See who’s trading with the world then.”
Happily all one hundred Daily Mail readers are expected to make a full recovery, in so far as getting back to their normal state can be called a recovery.
