The Ecuadorian embassy have put an advert up for the sale of a trailer tent that Julian Assange accidentally ordered whilst drunk.

An embassy employee said,

“He’s a nightmare. He started on a crate of Pilsener during Cash in the Attic. By five he was playing the guitar and singing Waltzing Matilda. Then it went quiet. He talked to the cleaning staff about how he wants to go camping so he can look at the stars. Next thing we know it’s the day after and some bloke drops it off. It took seven of us to get it into the embassy. Julian then tried to make out that his account had been hacked. The problem was he’d left seventeen voicemail messages on the shops number talking about buying it.

When it arrived he set it up in the Ambassadors office. He keeps trying to get us to sit in it and get drunk in it with him. It wouldn’t be so bad but we’ve all heard all his stories and his day to day routine involves him playing Mass Effect 2.

When we say we don’t want to sit with him he just goes into a huff and sits in it with his private security detail. He pretends they’re all Venezuelan but they all speak fluent Russian and all their English is basically Russian. He’s definitely not an FSB agent though. He got those pyjamas from the gift shop in Moscow.”

There is a feeling within the embassy that Assange is depressed after his application for a correspondents job was turned down by Lonely Planet.

One member of staff said,

“That really hurt him. But it’s not an ideal job for him. He can’t go to the local Spar so he can’t exactly become a correspondent. Ever since then he’s experienced that rejection he’s been buying stupid stuff on the Internet. The Ambassador despairs of him.”

It’s also understood that Assange now owes over one million pounds in unpaid parking fines for his camper van which is parked near the embassy.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.