NHS workers and the general public were reassured this morning to learn Jeremy Hunt flushing money down his new toilet will replace the sound of Big Ben for the next four years.
The famous bells of arguably London’s most famous landmark are soon to fall silent as important restoration work is carried out on the ageing tower and the famous bells.
The government was uncertain how people would cope without the iconic ringing in the Elizabeth Tower but Jeremy Hunt magicked up a work around while considering the tens of thousands of pounds he’d just splashed out on a comfy new loo.
“We’ll record the sound of me daily flushings and play it on Radio Four.” The Health Secretary revealed in his latest light bulb moment.
Asked if he could promise to be regular enough to produce enough flushes to cover the sheer volume of times the toilet would need to go a grinning Hunt was confident.
“I’ll be eating a lot of prunes and dried apricots. Only muesli for me from now on. And I’ll just throw handfuls of taxpayers money into it and pull the chain if need be.”
Critics of the government’s love of austerity were quick to point out that the money could be better spent in front line public services feeling the pinch from years of belt tightening.
Mr Hunt was nonplussed however and refuted the criticisms.
“Where do you come up with your best ideas?” Jeremy demanded.
“Do you do it when you’re surrounded by highly paid advisors and research staff or do you do it while marvelling at the quality of what you’ve just produced privately?”
Jeremy’s ideas are all made of quality many would say. Concerns over the frequency of his recordings are most likely unfounded as insiders have revealed that behind the scenes every minister of state is privately sh*tting themselves in the face of Brexit and Jeremy Corbyn’s movement.
