It was reported this evening that President Donald Trump’s golden hairpiece has been flown over the Korean peninsula in a B-1 Bomber as a direct response to North Korea’s latest ballistic missile test.
The Trump hairpiece is one of the most robust and consistent features of the Trump presidency. Actually it is the most stable feature so far. It’s the only member of his cabinet unlikely to be fired or likely to resign in circumstances that some may call constructive dismissal.
It’s certainly the one area of responsibility he actually spends any time thinking seriously about.
It’s believed flying the hair about North Korea in a great big plane packed full of cans of hairspray with grip was the sternest possible way to remind Kim Jong-un just how great a risk his own hair is in.
There are always several leaders on the world stage who spend more time on their hair than they do formulating sensible policies to improve the lives of their people, but Trump and Kim are two of the most prominent stylists on offer today, and certainly two of the most dedicated.
Donald himself was said to have spent the time apart from his hair under sedation and listening to a mix tape of various women who have been presenters on Fox News saying soothing and flattering phrases about how virile he looks.
Many pundits indeed suggest that the neatest and least dangerous way to solve the issue of both Trump and North Korea will be to allow their hair to fight it out and see who walks away with the world. But those pundits are idiots.
