Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They then joined the drunken firemen and other first responders in urinating on the fire.
As those firemen were drunk, the Government was entirely right this evening to vote to keep public sector pay capped at a below inflation 1%. The magic money tree of course having been stripped bare in the interests of maintaining strong and stable government.
Of course, if anybody had written those reports they would be working for The Sun, they would be the modern equivalent of what was written about Hillsborough. Well, not to worry.
Families of the 95 Hillsborough victims who form part of a manslaughter indictment have reassured families of the Grenfell Tower victims that British justice is swift, and thorough.
“The initial investigation will be thorough and leave no stone unturned,” said Ian Treadingondangerousground, “but whilst you wait, you will get all the support you need from the tabloid media’s desire to help you get to The TruthTM.”
“Whilst you may consider that a female prime minister again visiting the scene and failing to talk to victims is cold hearted, we took it as a sign of Margaret’s strong leadership,” said Agatha Youaregoingtobecrossaboutthis.
Government spokesman Charles Overup said today “there will be an inquiry and an inquest, and believe you me, we will get to the bottom of this, but it is absolutely imperative that in the meantime we don’t treat policies enacted by governments and implemented by councils as political matters. You can have confidence in British justice.”
A DUP spokesperson provisionally echoed: “We also have great confidence in British justice.”
Mr C. Overup continued “it is important to remember that at the present time we have only located 79 complete bodies, sorry, I mean, confirmed 79 deaths, which is far fewer than at Hillsborough and so represents a sign of great progress in Health and Safety, and look, look over there, Camden is Labour,” and we were unable to continue our interview as he ran off.
We expected the family of the 96th Hillsborough death, who apparently didn’t die quickly enough to count as manslaughter to be too angry to comment, so we cowardly made the whole article up. Some might say that is a tried and tested journalistic approach in this context.
If this article has annoyed you, we recommend that you do not let the matter drop, and continue to do what you can to press for answers.
