The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father’s Day on the condition Mother’s Day goes also.
The offer is a timely one as fathers across the UK run the gauntlet of appearing pleased at presents, even though most will secretly struggle to understand why they have received anything material at all, when all they clearly wanted was no kids in the house for a spell and sex with their partner.
Mr Patrick Patri, a founding father of RIAF, explained the offer,
“It’s a win a win.”
The proposal has gained support from numerous organisations dedicated to advancing the science of being a dad.
Fathers United, a think tank based in Orkney, backed the call.
“Imagine the relief for fathers if Mother’s Day no longer existed?” They asked. “The worry associated with attempting even a half assed gesture related to Mother’s Day is a serious strain on many men’s mental health. It’s an incredibly confusing celebration.”
Most of the confusion seems to centre on being unable to understand that last minute solutions are often seen as partially invalidating, even though five minutes of sweat and panic rushing into a florist takes planning.
Another group, The Fiscal Response Directive, added to the call to abolish Mother’s Day.
“The productivity cost to the UK of Mother’s Day is considerable. A lot of fathers lose sleep the day before realising that they have once again failed to plan anything of consequence. There are exceptions. But they are outliers in any study. It would be best if both days are consigned to history.
Fathers should be spending the time spent panicking over Mother’s Day secretly looking at milf porn online.”
