Know Thyself, a charity dedicated to helping older people come to terms with physical changes, is to present Theresa May with a full length mirror. A round of applause will follow.
The ceremony will be held in Trafalgar Square. Spotlights will be erected so nobody watching misses a wrinkle or a sag while Ms May examines herself.
A Welsh brass band is to play “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt.
It is rumoured the singer has been approached to sing on the day. He is unlikely to attend however as he is working on “You’re Still Beautiful”, a sequel to his smash hit.
A representative of Know Thyself explained the fulsome reason behind the award.
“Yesterday Ms May attempted to body shame Jeremy Corbyn. And this on a matter of international relations that is not exactly a best of “Hot or Not?”. It was very strange and rather immature, given her age and public position.
She finds him intellectually too challenging. So she’s turned to denigration instead in the hope the others kids will laugh at Jeremy and ignore her deficits.
This is the action of a bully. We believe she needs a good, long, hard look in a mirror. Body shaming is unacceptable in the twenty first century. Although we accept it is probably still okay in the time zone Ms May wants us to live in.”
The mirror comes with its own stand and is rumoured to be charmed. It will react if “naked and alone” is said three times to it. Quite what happens next is anyone’s guess. Magicians expect a new set of clothes appearing is the most likely outcome.
The sweet bird of youth will be attending the ceremony in a cage and is to be released. This will result in even more applause.
Representatives from the EU will be in attendance, the better to size up the bloody difficult woman they expect to negotiate the end of the UK’s financial services industry with.
It’s advised if you are attending that you wear very dark glasses. That is not because the sun is expected to shine.
