The Sun newspaper is to be sold with a free brown paper bag from next week, it was revealed on that Twitter thingy today.

“From now on you can look at tits and right wing lies while hiding your shame,” said a tweet; “People will think it’s just a porno mag,” explained another.

The Sun has been the rag of choice for the more illiterate xenophobic wanker for over fifty years, outselling the slightly less monosyllabic Daily Mail until recently. But after accusing Liverpool FC supporters of causing the Hillsborough tragedy and hacking the phone of a missing teenager without even helping the police investigation, it has become taboo to be seen with the publication.

“When folks see me mouthing the words as I read the Sun they assume that I am some half-witted racist who is easily manipulated into believing anything I read,” says Dave Moran, a long time Sun customer, “Once I have read some made up crap about how Muslims are banning children or that Easter Eggs are now called Allah Be Praised eggs and made by Halal paedophiles on benefits then I am too angry to care if people know I buy The Sun. But on the way to work before I’ve read it I don’t want people accurately judging me.”

Media expert Ondah Telly says the move could significantly increase sales as bigots from Liverpool who hate long complex words will now be free to read the disgusting rag.

“They have had a row of free Sun dispenser units in Manchester Airport for years,” said a close friend of Sun editor Anthony “Tiny Tony” Gallagher, “but nobody ever takes an issue. Finally they have realised that the shame and stigma of being thought a complete idiot by fellow passengers is too much even for the thickies who pretend to read it.”

Get monthly highlights in your inbox

When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.