The Government announced today that, after a long and thorough review of the workings of the Electoral Commission, they have added it to the watchlist of subversive organisations.
The “Enemies List” as it is known informally in Whitehall corridors, contains such organisations as the IRA, Hezbollah, the Communist Party, Greepeace, NSPCC, Mumsnet and Pottermore.
The Government’s anti-subversion tsar, shiny-faced Benedict Gummer MP, explained:
“Recent events have shown a radical tendency within the Electoral Commission to hold members of the Conservative Party to account, and to confront prospective Tory candidates with the unreasonable obstacle of being forced to comply with laws they find inconvenient.”
“It undermines the very values British MPs represent if the public are radicalised into believing embezzlement, corruption, fraud, bribery, graft and tax evasion are embedded in Parliamentary culture merely as the result of a series of unfortunate administrative errors.”
Mr Gummer was asked if the recent high frequency of such administrative errors had any bearing on the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority’s move to ban the employment of MPs relatives in salaried administrative roles. The anti-subversion Supremo responded with “IPSA. Yes, they’re going on the list too,” as he made notes on a pad.
Benedict Gummer is the scion of John Selwyn Gummer’s Suffolk dynasty, having only ever worked for his father’s company prior to entering Parliament.
Clearly any lingering suggestion that the Right Honourable Lord Deben ever embezzled taxpayer funds through fraudulent expense claims is completely unfounded, and the repayment of £11,500 to Parliament, and a similar sum donated to charity, were merely in response to some administrative errors uncovered by the Daily Telegraph.
Benedict Gummer is not the child to whom Mr Gummer senior fed a Mad Cow Burger on live TV. Allegedly.