Little spoilt toddler Donald again could be heard from across Washington today, as he wailed and screamed about other children having more guests at their party.

The ruined little shit had been excited as the bouncy castle had arrived for his party. He’d beamed as the next door and next-next door neighbours had turned up happily to celebrate.

Unfortunately the air pump had blown a fuse and the castle deflated as a big, flaccid, metaphorical let down. Some kids disappeared early and the talk was of how empty the garden had been, with pics posted online of the stone bird bath showing a sparse lawn area.

The following day though, all the girls in the neighbourhood had a street party put on by the Mums & Dads, with lemonade, cakes and helium balloons aplenty. Everyone was happy to be there. The birds were singing and the warm sun blessed the occasion.

But spoiled little Donald had awoken to see all this from his bedroom window. Utterly overcome with jealousy, he steamed out into the street, grabbing balloons and releasing them in the air, swiping cakes onto the floor and stomping the icing and cream all up his little orange legs.

Grabbing the karaoke microphone he screamed voice-box-breaking banshee wails, that were measured as 3 on the Richter scale at the nearby geological monitoring centre;


Oh dear! Well, all this has detracted terribly from his schoolwork; undoing Obamacare, building friendships with little Vlad and the other kids from across the street, bringing together a nation, rejecting climate agreements, fighting terrorism and so on.

Let’s hope now that the fuss is over that little Donald can put all this behind him and focus on being the mature 70 year old leader of the free world that he was appointed to be.

Jesus H Crabstick, it’s pathetic. Utterly boiled-lettuce-leaf pathetic. Suck it up you buttercup.

Seriously though, we’re doomed.