Theresa May today confirmed that “Brisrael means Brisrael” when asked about the Israeli Embassy’s interventions to promote or destroy the careers of British MPs.

“Look, it’s fairly straightforward,” said Mrs May. “I would have thought it blindingly obvious, when I redefined the term ‘anti-semitic’ to include any criticism of the State of Israel, that me and my government are determined to stamp out any democratic freedoms that suggest Benjamin Netanyahu is not infallible. To that end, I have moved the hate speech goalposts to include pretty much anything said by anyone on the left of the Labour Party.”

May went on to elaborate her plans for the abdication of British sovereignty to the Knesset.

“Clearly Brexit is the first step, in which we leave the EU under the pretext of regaining a sovereignty we never actually lost. Mr Putin and Mr Murdoch have been very pleased with that result, and, since they pay my bunce, I’m not going to rock that boat. Those lucrative post-retirement speaking gigs don’t just come out of thin air you know. Just ask Dave.”

“Now that we’ve effectively silenced all opposition, the next stage is to let Israeli Embassy officials select our MPs. This should save Britain lots of money in running elections and electoral fraud investigations, which are all just a futile waste of public funds that could be better channeled into the private healthcare contracts of our sponsors.

Any mention of loaded terms like ‘genocide’ or ‘concentration camps’ will be expunged from official records, along with the people who utter them.”