John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black family that buys a trampoline which immediately gets shat on by a load of vermin.
With such horrors in the news on a daily basis, the annual smugfest of the advert is a tiny ray of hope amongst the gloom. This year however they decided on a change of tack. A spokesman for the emporium of wank told the Herald;
“Usually we assault people’s senses with a ton of visual sugary crap, over which a breathy woman sings along to a piano cover version. This year we show a hard working 2nd generation immigrant family having their bought and paid for possessions trashed by dangerous wild animals, and a sinister dog that watches them the whole time. Over which a breathy woman sings along to a piano cover version.”
“It’s obviously a stark warning about the consequences of the rise of the right, which has been waiting for a reason to get out there and take vengeance on immigrants who they see as being the problem, with the vicious dog triumphantly denying them the basic right to use the trampoline which is now covered in vermin shit”.
“But come and buy stuff from us, just in case you can’t afford it next year, what with you losing your job because of lovely Brexit.”
