Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today.

The new devices will be shackled to the necks, wrists, ankles and trouser zips of all known sex offenders and are designed to warn children of the approach of the deviant pests.

‘We’ve been working closely with the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) who have long advocated bell collars to reduce cat predation,’ a police spokesman said.

‘Children and parents will be aware of the presence of a dangerous nonce, even if they are hiding in undergrowth. Obviously the louder and more frenzied the chimes, the greater the risk,’ he added.

The bells also have the benefit of making the pedos look and sound rather silly, like a kind of ghoulish neighbourhood jester, and this may discourage them from going out at all. Those that do go out may even be chased by children to make them jingle, it is hoped.
However the National Association of Morris Dancers have expressed concern that their bell-wearing members could be demonised, wrongly accused or even driven away from family events.

‘That would be no bad thing,’ said the police.