Jeremy Corbyn has appointed Diane Abbott as Home Secretary, placing her opposite Amber Rudd on the shadow front bench.
“We want someone who represents the ordinary people in this position for a change,” said a Labour spokes-red, “So the grammar school educated Cambridge graduate Diane Abbott seemed perfect.”
Abbott, who got jiggy with Jeremy back in the day, is one of Labour’s more famous MPs.
We asked a number of fictional people why they thought she was so well known.
“I think it’s because she consistently stood for what is right and won an award for her speech on civil liberties in 2008,” said one Abbott’s staff.
“Is she the one who says really embarrassingly stupid stuff on This Week and the Daily Politics?” said Rochdalian Labour voter, Ahmed Butterworth.
“She’s been a vocal opponent of our continued arms trade with Saudi Arabia and a well known and respected public speaker,” opined an anonymous Labour activist called Colin.
“Didn’t she send her kid to a private school whilst saying politicians who send their kids to private schools are all Tory wankblots? That was her, right?” asked Winston McCarthy from Leigh-On-sea (wherever that is.)
“She’s been a great defender of the rights of ethnic minorities, she’s brought sickle cell anaemia to the public consciousness and raised the bar for black achievement in state schools,” said Momentum spokestrot Dave Ilyich Lennon.
“She said British people invented racism; Finns have never met black people, whilst miss Finland was black; has generalised white people on Twitter; called taxi drivers racist and accepted pay from the BBC against parliamentary rules and then didn’t declare it. And she’s half of BBC politics own Chuckle Brothers along with Michael Portillo,” said Margaret, from the Londis on my street.
