The annual gathering of UKIP, scheduled for 16th September, will now not go ahead reports say.

“We have been watching the racism and general xenophobia of the Conservative conference very closely,” said Arnold Goering, a UKIP spokesbigot, “and they seem to have pretty much covered everything we were going to and come to the same conclusions. Even the fringe meetings were the same homophobia and climate change denialism that we were going to do. So why bother?”

The conference was, ironically, due to take place at the International Centre in Bournemouth.

“Yeah, international! As if,” laughed a moustachioed anonymous party member who called only himself Nigel, “We only formed because in the PC age the Conservative party were abandoning their traditional hatred of outsiders and piccaninnies and the Bosch and cheese eaters taking over! But they’re back on track now, so we might as well rejoin them. I say, do you have a light?”

Senior Tories denied that they were merely UKIP lite:

“What absolute tosh and piffle,” said Lord Sir Percival Peerage-Smythers, Duke of Earl, “Our distrust of darkies, wogs and commies is totally different to the UKIP dislike of towelheads and toboggan dodgers! We’re far better at selling it as an unnecessary truth than these Faragian amateurs! Though I did like that Breaking Point poster…Where am I? Jenkins? I seem to have shat myself again!”

The Conservative Party conference continues until Wednesday and will be followed by the SNP conference. Probably. We didn’t double check.

When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.