John McDonnell has branded British capitalist lapdog Sir Richard Branson an “enemy of the People” who “undermines Democracy & the Will of the People” and called for his immediate detention.

Mr McDonnell was recently appointed Voter Colonel by Great Leader Corbyn (GLC) with a mandate to “purify the ballot box”. He has clearly started with Branson, a lacky of the Fascist Dictator and War Criminal Tony Blair.Mr McDonnell told The Rochdale Sunday Worker that Sir Richard was “a spy for the hated New Labour scum” and, most controversially of all, “the owner of many, many books.”

Earlier this week Sir Richard’s Virgin Trains had its assets seized by order of the Supreme United Republic Soviet (formerly the Supreme United Kingdom Soviet or SUKS) after CCTV footage emerged of customers being forced by staff to sit in empty seats rather than on the floor like GLC. The train was diverted to the Salt Mines in Northern Scotland where the passengers and crew underwent educational review to help them better understand the Will of the People and also learn how to dig frozen ground whilst starving to death.

Mr McDonnell said he did not recognise the Knighthood awarded by the Bolshevik Awards System which GLC has now scrapped. He said that under the new system Sir Richard would now instead receive a fair trial before being found guilty and receiving “The Ice Pick of The People” in the time honoured fashion.

Mr Branson has not responded to Voter Colonel McDonnell and was not available for comment. However sources close to Sir Richard say that he was last seen riding his bike at brake-neck speed away from the Virgin Trains offices without his helmet on.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.