President Barack Obama was rushed to hospital yesterday after sustaining injuries during a press conference.
Herald reporter Scott McCracknee was there and describes what happened.
“Mr Obama was being very diplomatic in describing Donald Trump as ‘Unfit’ to be President, when he appeared to get into difficulties below the podium. With sheer statesmanlike attitude he managed to continue,questioning the Republican Party’s continued support of Mr Trump. It was at this point that he started to dribble blood everywhere and the secret service leapt into action.”
Mr Obama was rushed to Bethesda Naval Hospital where the head of his medical team made this statement on his condition;
“The President has leg injuries consistent with stabbing himself with a needle in the upper thigh and groin. In addition he has bitten clean through his tongue and lower lip. The injuries are strikingly similar to those sustained by the British press officer who tried to keep a straight face when he announced Boris Johnson was the UK’s new Foreign Secretary.”
During the kerfuffle our intrepid Scott McCracknee managed to get hold of President Obama’s speech notes.
“It was simply two lists. Under Trump he had written: Shit covered gigglestick, day-glo duck’s arse and puss filled bag of republican hate jizz.”
“And under Republicans he had: Angry barrel of flea-bitten Nazi-monkeys, Scum sucking hoop lickers, hate filled arse-clowns and hoofwanking bunglecunts.”
McCracknee continued, “I salute him, Mr Obama may very well be the greatest diplomat of all time. In fact he might actually be Jesus.”
President Obama is expected to make a full recovery.
