The UK has today agreed with former UKIP leadership challenger Suzanne Evans when she said the party needed an image change. Preferably to a less ghastly parody of the KKK.
Interviewed by the BBC, Ms Evans said UKIP needed to “break free of its hard-right image and set itself firmly in the common sense centre-ground.”
To which the country pointed out that the average UKIP supporters idea of common sense center-ground politics was the same as everyone else’s idea of far right politics. A survey carried out by The Herald reveals that most UKIP voters support such common sense policies as:
- Introduction of capital punishment for more minor offences, such as letting your Leylandii grow too high.
- Forced repatriation of anyone with a foreign sounding name, ‘Farage’ for instance, at the end of a long sharp stick.
- An end to political correctness so that you can “speak your mind” to the poofs, nig-nogs, pakis and frogs again without fear of arrest.
- A policeman stood around doing nothing on every street corner. But ready to do proper police work like catching rapists, murderers and that family from No43 who are a bit shifty I’ve always said and have a touch of the tar brush about them anyway. Instead of harrassing innocent people for speeding outside schools.
An official UKIP spokesman played down Ms Evans comments and said “She needn’t worry her pretty little head about policies. She should stick to the housework and let the menfolk do the hard thinking.”
