A new campaign has surfaced drawing attention to hyper-fertile Tory leadership hopeful Andrea Leadsom’s penchant for bulking the national populace.
Stop Leadsom Over Breeding for Fuck’s sake (or SLOBF, to give it its frankly shoddily crafted and ill-conceived acronym) has been formed in the past few days in order to highlight the strain that Leadsom’s ever-burgeoning throng of offspring is placing on the country’s already overstretched resources and infrastructure.
Leadsom hit the headlines several days ago as being the most fertile candidate for the nation’s top political position in recorded history, in stark contrast to her barren, childless competitor for the country’s top job.
With an impressive 12,463 children to date, Leadsom is believed to reproduce in much the same way as a cockroach does, by laying large numbers of eggs in wall cavities and behind skirting boards etc, which then hatch into hundreds of children during warmer weather. However, campaigners have lambasted her procreational efforts as ‘careless’ considering the current state of, among other national public resources, the National Health Service, which, they claim, will suffer greatly to the point of breaking if Leadsom continues to reproduce at such an alarming and unchecked rate.
“Breeders like this are the scum of the earth” said a SLOBF spokesperson yesterday, “in one breath they’re telling us that we should close our borders due to too many Johnny Foreigners coming over here clogging up our waiting lists, and the next minute they’re sh*tting out dozens and dozens of kids like it’s some sort of noble gesture or something. They think the world owes them a top premiership position. We should seriously think about putting contraceptives in the water supply”.
Leadsom was unrepentant as of this morning however, hitting back at her critics that her ‘unholy army of Leadsom spawn’ were essential to her plans for the great work that laid ahead.
“Fly, my pretties!” she cackled from that big gate by her back door where she does interviews for the Mirror and stuff.