Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial “Burkini Ban” on Rochdale’s world famous Stansfield Beach.

Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see the women minding their own business and wearing clothes while paddling in the sea, some appeared to be laughing and playing with each other.

“It’s discustin that’s what it is. Coming over here and not getting there tits out when they go swimming and that. It’s just not decent or proper is it? Innit?” Said Raymon Morgan, a topless social media intellectual told us.

“People shud be aloud to where whatever they like wen they go swimmin. These Burkinis shudnt be aloud.” Anne Bothwell allegedly typed on social media with her flippers after being confused by a photo of a group of Nuns playing on a beach that obviously isn’t in landlocked Rochdale.

If women want to wear hats, scarves, bikinis, wetsuits, Burkinis, banana costumes or nothing at all when they go swimming it’s nobody’s business.

So called Islamic State, Saudi Arabia and several other repressive regimes restrict women’s freedom of expression, doing the same in Europe is completely illogical if you want to improve the lot of women.

France is flirting with oppression. Stop it.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.


  1. your link shows a pic of nuns wearing habits.A Burkhini is a very different thing.I am a horrible racist yet I see no problem with people swimming in their clothes.we all did it for our lifesavers badge when we were kids!
    I brought a Burkhini,as I suffer from sun allergy.I will not be wearing the head piece.By the way,the face is not at all covered…that would be like waterboarding yourself.

    • I think the piece is supposed to be a joke, obviously they are nuns, but they are drawing the equivalent, the nuns habit is designed to cover bodies for modesty in the same way that the burkini is, so there is no difference, yet the burkini is condemned, whilst the habit is accepted.

      • Nuns choose that life. Many Muslim women do not. As long as there is open choice fine. This article is a farce. If god created us all equal why do Muslim men not wear similar dress code? I have been uncomfortable as a teacher on parents nights. I have had women constantly bowing to me, when I asked them a direct question their husband answer.

        • In Eastern culture teachers are highly respected and seen as next to parents in respect. In Islam it is said that a teacher is almost at the stature of a prophet. Why? Because the first word in the message of Islam was ‘Read’. Hence education is sacred. A teacher gives you education, the only thing that no one can take away from you and it is education that opens the mind and enable you to better yourself in life. Mothers are recognised as a school for it is mothers who teach their children everything in their early years. When a mother bows to a teacher it is a show of respect and gratitude. If the mother allows her husband to speak for her it is a cultural way of showing respect to her husband, when in public. It is not nevessarily a show of submission or inferiority. Here as in many instances it is the lack of undersyanding of other cultures that makes people reach wrong conclusions.

          • Will a husband allow his wife to speak for him, as a cultural way of showing respect to his wife, when in public? It is absolutely a sign of submission and that you cannot see this is an indication of how backward your thinking is. I am very happy that we in the west allow our women to do whatever they wish – it is one of our strengths and one of the reasons why the west continues to outperform the Islamic world – we don’t waste 50% of our human assets. It is further exemplified by the dearth of female graduates in conservative Islamic societies and the lack of women in senior government and business positions throughout the Islamic world. I thoroughly understand Islamic culture, having lived and worked in many Islamic countries – my conclusions may be different from yours, but you need to do much better to argue that they are based upon a misunderstanding.

          • Thank you for explaining some of our cultural differences. I can only imagine how difficult and challenging it must be for immigrants to come to my country, Canada. Our societies are so difference and ours is not reverent or very respectful any more, sadly. My way is to be open and non judgmental and I feel an important thing to do and it works is to give a warm kindly smile whenever I meet or walk by an immigrant it makes a small difference. Its a start.

          • Often it is the mother who has more to say to her child’s teacher. Why she doesn’t is a mystery. What is this ‘respect nonsense? We are not in the Court of Versailles; tiptoeing around a majestic figure. The whole thing is rubbish -women are second class citizens in Islam – tell the truth!

          • Very well expressed. In many cultures where there is a ‘facade’ of degradation of women, in fact the Matriarch of a household is highly valued and respected. Try and insult a Mother and the response will not be too good….

        • AMorgan Yes Nuns choose to live a life according to their religion’s beliefs, they are just as put down, manipulated and controlled by their male ‘superiors’ as other women who believe in gods and religious doctrine, that has been written and enforced by power hungry men. Do Muslim who cover themselves choose it? Or, are you just assuming?

          There is no god – just centuries long control of people who can’t face the fact that when we die that is it. Its more comforting to believe there is an afterlife.

          The article is funny because its satire (are you American?), pointing out the ridiculousness of the French ban of women wearing so called ‘muslim burkinis’.

          It is so ridiculous that someone cannot cover up at the beach if its their wish to do so – even if it is because they’ve been told that if they didn’t cover up they would incite lust in other men! Who really cares?

          Where is this world going? I get that the French have had horrible terrorist related attacks but banning a garment is a joke. I thought the French were proud of their sectarian society that allowed for freedom of speech and expression of culture.
          What a shame.

        • I had the same problem a few years ago when doing research on ante-natal care. The husbands were usually there, and as often as not they answered any questions. That was when the interviewer was present, so with nobody else there, who knows what might happen.

        • Since you are a teacher you may have heard of inductive fallacies. That is exactly what you are reproducing. You cannot assume thst all Muslim women do what men want because some do and you cannot assume that Muslim women bow to you simply because you are a man. That may be the case in some instances but did it occur to you that they bow out of respect for your profession – you are the person educating their children after all.

    • Someone get Katherine a lobotomy.

      satire (from Google)
      the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
      “the crude satire seems to be directed at the fashionable protest singers of the time”
      synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature; More
      a play, novel, film, or other work which uses satire.
      plural noun: satires
      “a stinging satire on American politics”
      synonyms: parody, burlesque, caricature, lampoon, skit, take-off, squib, travesty; More
      a genre of literature characterized by the use of satire.
      “a number of articles on Elizabethan satire”

  2. “It’s discustin that’s what it is. Coming over here and not getting *there* tits out when they go swimming and that. It’s just not decent or proper is it? Innit?’

    I think you meant their. Or do the lower orders somehow manage to pronounce the possessive their differently to there, so that’s how you’ve quoted them?

  3. So, will places like Saudi Arabia be allowing non-Muslim women to wear bikinis because it is their culture – I don’t think so. The question is, if these totally swathed women are such good religious Muslim women, what they doing on a beach with nearly naked men? Isn’t that haram (forbidden)? And to the idiots calling it racism, Muslim is NOT a race. For those who seem to have been on another planet, the people of France have been slaughtered by Muslim extremists and especially those in Nice so for anyone to be publicly displaying their allegiance to Islam in a town that recently saw mass slaughter is beyond deeply insensitive, it is insulting, cruel and provocative.

    • So what your essentially saying is… when a few fundamentalists (emphasis on the mental) commit a henious crime we should accept people bullying anyone who looks similar to them? Punishing innocent people for other people’s actions?

      Put a full body swimsuit next to a Burkina and tell me what the differences are that threaten you so much.

      • The difference is in the political message behind the wearing of a burkina.

        I am sure if a full body swimsuit or even a wet-suit was worn by those women instead there would be no reaction from the French authorities.

    • I only came here to look at the comments. And they really did not disappoint.

      Shirley Swaine has to take the top prize however. I am guessing when they handed out IQs she thought they said, ‘Ikea’ and accepted a nasty, flat-packed bookcase instead of a brain.

    • Your main point is a common one – if ‘they’ do it (insert the name of some group you hate) then why should we behave in a better way?

      Well, firstly, ‘they’ may just happen to see the world in a different way, and really don’t believe that you are more enlightened. They may not believe that your culture just happens to have all the answers while everyone else’s are crap.

      Secondly, if we truly believe that we do have something that is better, then why would we give it up? If, for instance, you feel that others are not as tolerant as you, then if you adopt their intolerance, then you have given away the very thing you’ve been fighting for.

      As for the ignorant remark about people not having the right to ‘display their allegiance to Islam’, then would that also apply if the KKK murdered someone where you live? Would you then say that ‘displaying your allegiance to Christianity’ is ‘insulting, cruel and provocative’? Bit silly, really.

      Try to put yourself in the place of others, you will find life gets better.

  4. Ha ha ha ha! Very good!

    My late son Leki was in a Sheffield band called Wet Nuns so he would have LOVED this. Apart from the fact that he’d probably have said be ‘flouted’ not ‘flaunted’

    Ignore the trolls. xxx

  5. Ha ha ha ha! Very good!

    My late son Leki was in a Sheffield band called Wet Nuns so he would have LOVED this. Apart from the fact that he’d probably have said ‘flouted’ not ‘flaunted’

    Ignore the trolls. xxx

  6. Hats off to whoever is behind Rochdale Herald. You are the best thing that has happened to the town in a long time. Doing satire for Rochdale folk is a tough gig. I will be disappointed if I find out that you are a bunch of London ‘jessies’. Cheers.

  7. There’s enough satire here to fill a couple of editions of Private Eye (if you’re no-British and not familiar with that magazine, look it up on your favourite search engine).
    1. Yes, they ARE nuns!
    2. Nuns are a holy order of Christian women traditionally isolated from society to ‘pray’ for the souls of less Christian people, so in effect, religious fundamentalists (in a positive, non-aggressive sense). They also tend to the sick and impoverished (think Mother Theresa).
    3. Have a look at the atlas, folks. Since when has Rochdale been by the sea? It’s a land-locked town in north-west England. Its nearest water is the River Roch, and so a picture of people on the beach at Rochdale is almost as satirical as Monty Python’s Cheese Shop sketch.
    4. And don’t forget the poor spelling is satirising all those poorly-educated fellows who tweet or comment on Facebook with their poor grammar and spelling who want to express their opinions about great political or social events, and yet don’t have the education to string together a proper sentence with correct spelling and grammar …’innit’!

    • Come global warming and the rise of sea levels, both Manchester and Liverpool will disappear (another good story there!). Rochdale will then change its name to Rochdale-on-Sea and City will relocate to Spotland.

  8. I for one am appalled!
    What must the lobsters be thinking?

    We need to bring back capital punishment in schools, that would soon put a stop to all this.

    Before anyone accuses me of being a narrow minded bigot, let me just point out that I’ve actually been to Leeds!

  9. Bruno Mars is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 2012, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gay. At that time he became the massive social networking rumor. The public, especially his fans are shocked. He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about his music career, but his bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this singer revealed himself as homosexual. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans.

  10. The Beach is a symbol of freedom. In the ’68 eventement the rebels of Paris had a slogan which translates as “underneath the cobbles, the beach”. So Rochdalians (poor sods) get prizing up those cobbles for that seaside experience.
    Ironic that the French are imposing restrictions on beaches, esp as many of the islamophobes were key players in the ’68 so called revolution

  11. Doesn’t look like Rochdale to me, more like Oswaldtwistle. Aren’t the Pendle Witches allowed to dress up as Nuns and have a last paddle there before being barbecued, or was that another century? History was never my strong point, nor geography come to that. Just saying.

  12. at last a good reason to leave God’s own country and travel across the Pennine wilds to Lancashire. Although I hope the Lancastrians of Rochdale won’t be flaunting their appalling accents, reminding us of the oppressions perpetrated during the Wars of the Roses. After all we suffered that would be cruel and insensitive.

  13. Why do people think they own the world and can dictate what people wear? Why was the police breaking oath of office to assist in this where is the loss harm or injury??

    End of the day no one as the right to tell another living person what they can and can’t do?
    To many big headed power trippers around, leave people alone who ain’t bothering anyone
    Hope then cops get sued under criminal courts and justice act 26 improper use of police powers

  14. hmmm. I think we are all missing the point here lol. they will not be the ones getting skin cancer unlike many others who expose too much- slip slop slap and all!!

    seriously, asking people to be LESS modest on a beach? really?? surely it is very significant to Muslim women as being fully clothed on a beach in high summer cant be particularly comfortable. perhaps you might like to try wearing a topless swimsuit in Saudi arabia just to make a point. And probably damage your skin, and life forever if you still have one after doing so.