A prestigious national industry award has been won by local letting agents Fyre, Trappe and Hassel.
The British Association of Letting Agencies awarded the firm their much sought after “Services to innovative bastardry” award for it’s commitment to finding new ways of humiliating and fleecing private tenants
The Herald spoke to Jeremy Fyre of the firm for his reaction;
“Well obviously we are over the moon with the news. We pride ourselves on making those too poor to afford their own home feel like the worst sort of scum. Which of course they are.”
The Rochdale firm has been at the forefront of making people pay through the nose for a roof over their heads since the 1970s. Some of it’s innovative scams include,
- Door maintenance charges. Prospective tenants who enter the firms premises to discuss a tenancy or browse the properties to let board are charged for wear and tear on the front door. This immediately weeds out the poorest lowlife.
- Oxygen replenishment fees. When you take over a property it contains a volume of air, which naturally is owned by the landlord and will need to be replenished when the tenant leaves. So a cubic metre charge is levied from the security deposit.
- Should the tenant or a member of their family die in the property during the tenancy, for whatever reason, a Bereavement Adjustment Fee of £5000 is immediately payable to cover any drop in the saleable value of the property.
- End of tenancy fees, which cover decontamination costs incurred by the firm when having to deal with paupers face to face, and writing a short reference email to the new landlord or agency after 2 months of angry phone calls asking for it.
During his acceptance speech, Mr Fyre said “The biggest ironies of the lettings business these days are that prospective tenants need such a good credit rating and savings pots so big to secure a property, that they could probably get a mortgage.”
