A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku.
Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the massive cock sought to distance himself from non-white people in general, and called the rumours “stereotyping of the worst kind”.
“It is a common misconception that all big penises are attached to black men, and one that has to be corrected if penises like me are to stop suffering discrimination,” said the huge knob.
“People don’t realise how difficult it can be. You get pointed at, stared at and called derogatory names, usually by people who aren’t brave enough to look you in the eye.
“They spend ages rubbing you up the wrong way and then act disgusted when you erupt in anger.
“People might think I look hard but sometimes I genuinely struggle to keep my head up.”
The enormous prick also complained about the unrealistic expectations placed upon him in the bedroom, lamenting the tenuous link between penis size and sexual gratification.
“I’m a giant dick and I can say with some certainty that I have never once satisfied a woman.
“In fact, most women are disgusted by the sight of me and say that they often find my opinions distasteful and hard to swallow.”
The ginormous wanger’s ‘Good Morning Britain’ co-presenter, Susanna Reid, refused to be drawn on her colleague’s comments, but seemed keen to get Romelu Lukaku into the studio for an interview.
“There’s a lot to be said for a man who can touch his toes without bending over,” she said, before curling up in her ‘safe corner’ for a cry.
