A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he’s fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald’s meals.

David Wild told the Herald, “You see them looking at you then they go for their phone. Then they’ll say something telling you to stay where you are. Like I’ve got anywhere else to go. After that you see them go into McDonald’s.

10 minutes later they’re back out and giving you a Big Mac. They’ll take out their phone and get a selfie with you. You have to sit there looking all poor and decrepit. 

You just know that picture is going on Twitter and Facebook so they can demonstrate how virtuous they are. With the blokes you know that it’s probably gonna be used to obtain a top notch blow job from Bex in accounts.

I wouldn’t mind so much if they’d put some thought into it. Maybe a cheeky Nando’s or a pizza or something. But it’s always McDonald’s.”

“Worse still is when it’s Britain First buying it then getting you to talk so they can make a political point. I was in the army for 5 years before I got PTSD. I was shelled for 2 days in Afghanistan and then some 20 stone red Britain First bloke turns up telling you he’s fighting for you. It’s total bollocks.”

Wild also went on to tell us that contrary to the advice given earlier in the week he’d like it if people would buy him a couple of beers in the hot weather.


“It’s 30 above and everyone is off to bbq’s and beer gardens. Do you not think I want a pint and sit in the sun? I’m homeless not fucking desperate.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.