Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the ‘Iqbal family’.
The gang carried out the audacious snatch at lunchtime yesterday, making a clean escape pausing only to pay for their groceries on the way out.
The gang, who it is believed may also be vegan, threw Kevin in the boot of their car before returning to their secret operational cell at 15 Latics Avenue.
Using the largest knife in the kitchen, the senior female operative, known only as Mrs Iqbal is reported to have brutally slaughtered Kevin and his colleagues, slicing off their heads and chopping their corpses into neat one inch slices while screaming ‘Parsnipuh Akhbar.’
The depraved savages then disposed of the remains by boiling them with stock and coriander to make an admittedly delicious soup. A spokesman for Jihadi John Lewis said “Thank God they did not target Sir Elton.”
