Russian officials have confirmed that Vladimir Putin is looking forward to meeting Donald Trump in Helsinki next month.
One told us, “The President is looking forward to the meeting next month.”
It’s understood that President Putin intends to travel to the meeting on a bear he will shave himself. Putting will also travel light by only taking trousers with him for the meetings.
It’s not yet clear what the two will discuss but it’s rumoured that the best way to get rid of troublesome journalists is thought to be high on the agenda.
One official said, “President Putin prefers the car accident method whereby a journalist suffers severe machine gun injuries whilst out for a drive. Trump on the other hand prefers to encourage lone wolf attackers so he can shift the responsibility.”
It’s alleged that Trump and President Putin will be posing for photos of them doing manly things like fishing semi naked. The pictures will be put in a calendar that will be sold to both Russian and American publics later this year.
Other things to be discussed are what a total bint Angela Merkel is and how enjoyable it is to watch film footage of your political opponents or anyone who doesn’t share your views being ripped apart by wild dogs.
It’s understood that Mr Putin turned down Mr Trump’s offer of a game of topless golf. Although, it was confirmed that they will relax in the evening of their summit by watching a film of President Putin’s choosing. Following the film night President Putin will tell Mr Trump.
