A multi-million organisation has insisted that there’s nothing suspicious at all about the new data policy updates, despite them being completely and utterly suspicious.
‘The easiest thing to do is to just accept the terms and conditions and blissfully continue using our service, free of charge’ a spokesman from the organisation told us, whilst stroking a siamese cat on a high-backed, leather chair in the depths of an ominous lair.
‘The alternative option is to be outcast from society, miss all of your social events and live a miserable life’ he continued with a manianical laugh, ‘but we’re all about bringing the world closer together, so just PRESS ACCEPT. You know you want to.’
A recent study showed that 99% of people who opt to ‘review later’ never plan on ‘reviewing later’, but are biding their time until they have to sign their soul away to a company that is absolutely not selling their personal data.
The same study showed that those who read the new terms and conditions instantly feel a sense of smugness, which forces them to tell everybody that they ACTUALLY read them before accepting.
Lucy, 23 from Rochdale, told us that she disagreed with some of the data policy updates, but that without it, she wouldn’t be able to live a normal life.
‘Sharon is breaking up with Gary at the moment and she keeps posting about it all the time, so even though I would get rid of my account, it’s crucial to my livelihood at the moment. If I don’t keep tracks on her, I’ll never know if they’re going out or not’.
Lucy has said that she will continue using the service, as the product is completely free and she is sure that she is not paying for it by being the product herself.