Astrophysicists around or rather, across the world are in turmoil after Oldham-born pop-rock sensation, Professor Brian Cox today admitted that the Earth is indeed flat.
Prof. Cox dropped the bombshell on the scientific world after hearing one-time boxer and Jacamo frontman, Andrew Flintoff claim on national radio that we could actually reside on a giant turnip. “I have always treated flat-Earth conspiracy theorists with utter contempt,” said Cox, “but after listening to Freddie’s argument I decided to revisit my note books one more time before phoning in to Radio 5 Live to lambast him for thinking that turnips are flat. After all, I wouldn’t want to appear foolish.”
“It was then I noticed a glaring error in my sums, namely a mahoosive rounding error upon which all my subsequent calculations hinged. I felt such a ninny! It’s funny how you quite literally see the world in a different light when you aren’t off your head on wacky baccy after endless gigs at Student Union bars.”
The Herald contacted the head of the Brainy Brian department at Rochdale Community College for comment. The overly flamboyant Dr Brian May told us “Let’s not jump to conclusions right away, but it does look like Brian could be onto something. After all, it’s only in recent years that the Max Planck institute revealed that the center of our galaxy smells like raspberries and tastes like rum.”
“I don’t care what Coxie said in that song, things don’t get any better than that.”
