As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year’s Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle. 

The American actress has been nominated by the Academy for her incredible portrayal of a woman who is in love with Prince Harry.

The former Deal or No Deal briefcase model, who once adopted one of Ellen DeGeneres’ dogs, has won over even the harshest of film critics. Siskel or Ebert, we can’t remember which one is still alive, had this to say to the Rochdale Herald:

“This was an amazing and mesmerising performance. We haven’t seen such a realistic performance of a woman completely in love since Jerry Hall started going out with Rupert Murdoch a couple of years ago.”

“She’s almost as good to watch as Brooke Shields in the 1980 classic The Blue Lagoon, and she got her tits out in that film.”

Some critics are saying that her performance is so good that sometimes you can almost forget that she’s acting the part of a woman prepared to marry a ginger squaddie for money.

“It’s an astonishing performance.” Jonathan Woss, film critic for Zoo Magazine told The Rochdale Herald. “If you’re bit stoned and pissed when you watch the footage of her and Harry’s first interview as a couple, and you watch it with your fingers in your ears whilst humming, and you squint really hard you can just about suspend disbelief long enough to believe that she’s being sincere.”

Critics are already eagerly awaiting the next instalment of this summer’s royal disaster trilogy, a Right Royal Fuck Up directed by Guy Richie, which features Harry’s entourage buying the silence of hookers in Las Vegas with casino chips while trying to dispose of the body of a stripper.

Rotten Tomatoes have given it two stars.

Satire Aid is back!Visit the Satire Aid website.