A grandparent who nonchalantly offered to babysit for the entire half term week has already wondered if it’s too early for a drink?

Granny Syllable, 67, Bristol, spoke to the Rochdale Herald’s Affordable Childcare correspondent to explain how she got there so quickly.

“It was after the last half term break,” she explained, “my son rang up complaining about how the endless cycles of school holidays were turning his wife into an alcoholic because she could never get anything done. I always thought Tracey was a borderline drunk anyway, so I offered to babysit the next half term in the hope she’d clean up her act.”

The high cost of half term activities and pressure on childcare places added to the urge to offer assistance.

“My son dropped the grandkids off at eight thirty this morning on his way to work. It’s only nine forty five and I’ve already opened the fridge three times to check that bottle of Pinot Grigio is waiting for the moment their mum collects them.”

Our correspondent reminded Granny Syllable that the anticipated moment wasn’t until late Friday afternoon, a full four sleeps away.

Fortunately, the sound of a vase shattering against tiles in another room made it impossible to hear the expletive laden outburst that formed the beleaguered grandmother’s next statement.

“Rose coloured glasses!” Granny Syllable blurted next, “I had such a good time seeing how much my having grandkids wound up the Merton’s at number 49 up the street, who for years banged on about how choosing not to have children left them free to travel, but who now can’t go overseas now because of his bad hip, that I foolishly thought a whole week of rubbing it in their faces would be secretly wonderful.”

The interview terminated abruptly with the sound of a screeching cat and a child’s voice shouting, “just have a drink for Christ’s sake Nan and chill out!”

The sound of the fridge door being ripped off its hinges was next as the question about when it is appropriate to have a glass of wine was answered at 09:49.