The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months.

Allegations about his lack of virility have been defended by scores of women alleging sexual assault. The notion that a lack of prostate control is responsible for the state of the White House sheets was batted away by the rumour that the Donald is just into that and the frankly ludicrous allegation, that arthritic hips were preventing a sassy goose step, has been dealt with by proving, categorically, beyond all reasonable doubt, that his policies in no way resemble those of a fascist.

As for the suggestion of Russian collusion and election tampering, just say nyet.

Now, scurrilous race traitors, bug men, and democrats are suggesting that The Leader is a doddering old git whose single greatest contribution to world security has been forgetting the codes. The Leader is keen to refute that, and so in a compassionate call with the wife of a deceased serviceman, he recalled events of his youth with crystal clarity.

“Everyone knows what they are signing up for, agreeing to be a soldier. You might need to show bravery and strength of character. But you are highly likely to be shot at, and you might die. It’s for that precise reason that I deployed the power and privilege I enjoyed as a young, rich, white man, to dodge the draft.

“I understand you were married to a poor black man. What could represent the American dream more than poor black men fighting the wars rich white men decide we need? Had your husband lived, he undoubtedly would have been rewarded with 40 acres and a mule. But, take comfort that he knew what he was signing up for. He knew he might die. I knew that, that’s why I dodged it.”

Other draft dodgers have embraced the President’s words. Wayne T. Bueller Jr. commented on how he and his buddies liked to dress up in tac gear and shoot assault rifles but would never have dreamed of actually serving. Even though they sometimes pay veterans to hang out with them for “training”.

This training of course lending credence to the notion that they are a well-regulated militia entirely capable of standing up to the government’s troops, which in no way disrespects the troops, who they totally respect.

Oooo Rah! but don’t step on my ingrowing toenail.

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Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he’s read the article?