Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from a burning effigy of Antonio Conte at the Chelsea training ground screaming “This is not how it was supposed to end.”
Costa, who scored 58 goals in 120 premier league appearances for the blues has agreed to rejoin the club he left them for, Athletico Madrid.
However, after being dumped like so many millennials, via text message, Costa responded the only way a multi million pound footballer can, by being childish.
“It all started with ‘anonymous’ phone calls” manager Antonio Conte confirmed in a special press conference regarding the transfer.
“First was the heavy breathing. Then the delivery of pizzas, dummies guides on how to manage and eventually an Arsenal shirt wearing fire brigade.”
“What took the biscotti was the ten lawnmowers and a subscription to gardener’s world! I live in a luxury flat for god’s sake!”
Costa is believed to have cut out Conte from his Panini sticker album, stuck the face on a business Ken doll and hung it in the training ground toilets before lighting it up in flames.
Chelsea PR chief Natalya Kickabollockov made this statement during the conference.
“We are disappointed with the actions of Diego today. He has shown disrespect to the club and the manager. We have fully supported his time here at Chelsea, including allowing him trips to Brazil during working hours, and packed lunches on the team coach.
“However, we shall not put up with child-like behaviour off the pitch. The effigy, combined with the drawing of Antonio as a ‘smelly poo’ earns him an afternoon in the naughty corner before he leaves for Madrid.”
Costa leaves with a signed shirt from the team, a plastic premier league trophy from the club shop and a framed photocopy of his wage slip.
It has not been confirmed by the club whether Costa is responsible for the drawing of John Terry in bed with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend. However, the tag of El Costco underneath it is being investigated.
