An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is down to her relative size.
The cat explained that it will gladly kill and eat just about any animal smaller than itself, including rodents, birds, fish and frogs, and that if human’s weren’t so damn big it would happily consume them as well.
Going into some detail the cat informed its owner that if she could be scaled down to a tenth of her present size ‘I would gladly gorge out your eyes, tear out your tongue and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti’.
The cat’s owner, 36 year old retail assistant Alison Peacock, admitted she was ‘shocked and hurt’ by her cat’s outburst. Alison explained she had decided to buy a cat ‘to help combat loneliness’ and was surprised to discover that they are blood thirsty maniacs.
Dr Helen Carter, a feline expert at the University of Manchester, explained that the cat’s comments are an accurate reflection of the species behaviour, though she was a little surprised that this one could talk.
Dr Carter went on to suggest that all cat owners should attach a small bell to their pets, so if the animal does increase in size and decide to attack you receive a short warning before your brutal death.
She also argued that people should stop giving cats ‘cute and misleading names’ and instead select names which ‘better reflect their true character’ such as ‘slasher’ or ‘the ripper’.
