The BBC’s Royal correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, is currently under heavy sedation after attempting to storm the gates of Buckingham Palace.
According to eyewitnesses, the journalist appeared outside the Palace gates at around 8am this morning, removed all of his clothing and tried to climb the perimeter fence whilst claiming to be the Queen’s new husband.
Witchell, who has reported on the lives of the Royal family since 1998, had to be restrained by Palace guards until the arrival of police. It is believed that he was then tasered after refusing to surrender a homemade sceptre and ignoring their requests to stop shouting, “Sod off Philip, you Greek imposter, she’s my wife now!”
A colleague of Witchell’s, who asked to remain anonymous, told the Herald that the senior reporter had been acting strangely ever since the Duke of Edinburgh announced his formal retirement in May.
“Nick has always struggled with the fact that he has to report on a group of people who hate his guts,” they said. “He never really got over Prince Charles referring to him as an ‘awful’ man and has always looked for opportunities to raise his status with the family.
“When he heard that Philip was retiring he joked that maybe he should take over his duties, given that he knew so much about the Queen, but we were all a bit shocked when he rocked up to work in a tinfoil crown and asked that we start referring to him as ‘Your Royal Highness’.”
Although not widely reported, this is not the first time that Witchell is believed to have caused a scene at the Palace. In 2008, shortly after Prince William completed his pilot’s training, Witchell is rumoured to have turned up to the Royal Garden party dressed as a helicopter, offering to give the Prince piggyback rides around the grounds.
“Then there’s the time he allegedly joined the Taliban because he thought it would give him better access to Prince Harry during his tour in Afghanistan,” said the BBC source. “They only let him in because he said he could get close to the Royal family, so he was lucky to get away with his head intact when they realised that he’s just a stalker with a microphone.”
The Palace has so far declined to comment on the incident, though the Queen is rumoured to have been asking aides whether or not hanging, drawing and quartering is “still a thing”.