Anybody saying there should be a war may be required to put their money where their mouth is in future. 

In a new bid to tackle falling numbers in their ranks, the Army have announced today a new recruitment measure. General Will Showem gave the following statement to the Rochdale Herald:

“There’s a lot of people saying we should declare war on this country or that country,” he explained, “but they never seem interested in going to the countries and taking part in the actual combat themselves. And the plain truth of it is, we don’t have enough soldiers to fight all these wars.”

Now, under new recruitment measures, anyone actively calling for a war with another country or other group could be required to actively participate in it.

“You want the war, you go out and fight in it,” General Showem explained. “You want innocent civilians senselessly butchered, get out there and see what it’s like. It’s not pretty.”

When asked for details of this new conscription drive, General Showem explained, “any statement made in public, either orally or on social media, to the effect that a war should take place with any country, will be accepted as volunteering one’s services for the front line. Enlistment will be automatic.”

Ranks are expected to swell rapidly from the sudden influx of Britain First and EDL members. The only question is, will they have enough equipment and uniforms for everybody?