UKIP supremo Paul Nuttall was in jubilant mood this afternoon after seeing his party win the 2017 election with a landslide victory.
After visiting Her Majesty The Queen this morning, he enjoyed a lunch with close personal friends The Beatles and Josef Stalin before popping over to No.10 to deliver his historic victory speech.
‘Eh, eh, I’m made up, our kid’ he informed an assembled phalanx of journalistas. ‘Dis is like da best ting to happen to me and my party like since I won the Wimbledon mixed doubles tournament in 1976 with my good friend Beryl Reid.
Dat night we all went out wid my good friends The Banana Splits and Keith Moon, and we headed off to Wembley to watch England beat Germany six nil in da World Cup. I’ll never forget what my great friend and mentor Benjamin Disraeli told me dat night, he said “Paul” he said, “always be true to yourself”.’
Mr Nuttall then went on to thank the police for all their hard work and efforts during the election while they jostled him forcibly from the podium and manhandled him into the back of a van.
According to his Wikipedia page, Paul Nuttall is 106.
