Rochdale liberal Gerard Sutherland has told his wife that he only visits the Daily Mail website for the Z-list ‘celebrity’ tits and ass, and definitely not for the articles.
The Guardian-reading father of two was forced to defend himself earlier today after his wife, Linda, came home to find him three paragraphs-deep into a story about Romanian begging gangs.
“My goodness, where did that come from?!” he is reported to have blurted out, before quickly clicking into an article about an ex-Big Brother contestant and her VERY skimpy bikini.
Sutherland denied being stimulated by the MailOnline’s daily helping of flagrant bigotry and insisted that he was there purely for the gratuitous, and often unsolicited, images of ample assets, pert posteriors and ‘accidental’ upskirts.
“I didn’t realise that the site contained so much naked hatred,” he claimed. “The thought that my young sons’ views on immigrants, gay people and the disabled could be warped by something I’ve looked at online makes me feel terrible.”
Linda Sutherland told reporters that although she occasionally caught her husband dabbling in the comments section of Mail articles on Facebook, she trusted his assurances that he only visited the full site for the overly-sexualised depiction of semi-recognisable females, some of whom have barely reached the age of consent.
“I was suspicious at first because he couldn’t name a single one of the women he had allegedly been perving over, but then I realised that I couldn’t either,” she explained.
“Seriously, who the hell are these people?”
Within the last few minutes, the Herald has learned that Sutherland’s wife has filed for divorce after finding a scrapbook full of Richard Littlejohn columns in his sock drawer.
