President Trump took to the stage in Nuremberg, Florida, on Saturday in front of a crowd seen from space, to unveil his mascot for the 2020 presidential campaign.
“He’s called Dumpy!” President Trump beamed, as he pulled a giant, gold curtain to one side.
“His catchphrase is ‘I can’t hear the number NO!’ ”
The crowd went viral, showering the POTUS with adulation. Many struggled to connect palms and clap, but everyone tried.
“Isn’t he great? You love him. He’s my special friend. He’s going to be your special friend too.”
At 100ft tall, the blond mopped, orange skinned, loveable dinosaur has a striking resemblance to the television character Barney. But that’s okay.
Donny created Barney too.
And there’s a prize-winning difference. Barney has hands best described as autobiographical, while Dumpy is new and improved with mitts that will mean everyone gets a hug, whether they say yes to one or not.
“He’s only going to play with his friends.” President Trump reassured the crowd. “Just like me!”
And this was a gathering of friends way, way bigger than the rag-tag gaggle that greeted the launch of Obama’s 2012 mascot, Hopetard. And remember that you read it all here first. The fake news certainly won’t tell you.
Dumpy will be on tour till he takes the oath of office in 2021, along with high quality figurines and tee shirts available to purchase wherever you
see an American.
Expect to find Dumpy’s irrepressible shadow looming over you, and to find his giant fingers firmly jammed in your crotch soon.
