The United States was relieved to hear that the explosion that ripped through NYC earlier in the week wasn’t the act of a lone wolf or somebody with a mental illness but probably a terrorist.

“We were getting worried for a little while that we were going to have to keep calling it an intentional explosion because it might have been a white guy like Timothy McVeigh. Fortunately we found a brown guy who might have done it so I think we’re okay to call it terrorism.” A spokespropagandist told The Herald.

A page on the Internet conveniently claiming to belong to an anti-Trump LGBT group initially claimed responsibility for the bombing but the page was taken down.

“Are you suggesting that a sensible line of enquiry might be to look at the IP address of who set up that page on the Internet and make sure they aren’t a Trump supporter who knows how to make a fertiliser bomb? You know what, that’s a pretty good idea. Hey Larry, write that down.”

Donald Trump essentially called for the extrajudicial execution of the suspect now in custody in his statement. ISIS have yet to claim responsibility, but they claim everything else….

More on this as it breaks.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.