After the referendum on leaving the EU the treasury scrambled quickly to try and formulate a plan.
“No one actually thought the plebs would defy us and screw the country like that so naturally we didn’t plan for that eventuality. We knew they were all thick but that took the piss” said ex Chancellor and poorly masked psychopath lizard man George Gideon Oliver Osborne, or GOO for short, or TWAT for ease.
After his immediate dismissal for complete incompetence and his undying support for the dough faced pig fancier, David Cameron, by the unelected Ice Queen Theressa May, the treasury needed to act and quickly.
John Painington-Hurt a top civil servant and long time pro fox hunting campaigner said;
“The public has given us a clear mandate. They want us to make Britain great again but were all disappointed when we didn’t reopen the cotton mills and deport all the immigrants the day after the result. It was a very tense time.”
He paused.
He continued.
“Basically we needed to work out what the economy runs on and where our money comes in. The results are pretty unnerving. It turns out we don’t actually make anything anymore, in fact, the last thing to come off a UK production line was a packet of sherbert in 1973.”
After futher in depth analysis it was clear that our whole economy was based on people buying and selling nothing from call centres accross the UK. Leading Economist Eugene Genie noted;
“If we all stopped buying Sky subscriptions and claiming for whiplash the UK would plunge into depression within three days.”
The situation is far worse than experts first believed however with an imminent crash inevitable. The latest data from the IMF shows that if Barbara Swanson, a 53 year old bakeress from Prestatyn actually verifies who she is to a cold caller and claims her PPI (the last eligible claim in the country) then the £3,226.93 she is owed would bankrupt the UK the moment her claim were to be processed.