A Rochdale woman was said to be in a stable condition after being rushed to Rochdale Infirmary this morning. An ambulance was called to the Cheetham Street home of 22-year-old Emily Sandle by the driver of the Ocado van who had just delivered her groceries.

“She was checking each bag as I carried it to her door, and as I handed her the last one she just collapsed in a heap clutching her chest.” said the driver, Granville Arkwright. “She gasped something like “I don’t f**king believe it. It’s all there!” before she passed out”.

Ms Sandle’s close friend and neighbour explained to The Herald “It was a bit of a shock for both of us if I’m honest. We were just laughing about last week’s shop where Emily ordered cotton buds and they swapped them for a box of tampons when the doorbell rang and it was that nice chap Granville with the shopping. Emily was getting proper excited and when she saw that they had even managed a dozen 120mm armour-piercing depleted uranium shells it was just too much for her.”

“Oh, those.” she continued when questioned. “Emily doesn’t usually buy artillery ordnance, but last month she ordered 80 Tetley tea bags and they substituted a Challenger 2 tank. She would have returned it but she’s taking driving lessons and can’t afford a car. Her boyfriend drove it once and says it’s a doddle to park.”

A spokesman from Ocado said “What? We got one right! For f**cks sake!” In a later statement he revealed “I have looked into this and it appears that Arkwright got the address wrong and delivered someone else’s order to Ms Sandle. By pure coincidence it happened to match her list exactly. We apologise for any confusion and distress caused, and would like to assure our customers that Ocado is committed to fouling up their weekly grocery shop. It won’t happen again.”

Have Ocado ever delivered a correct item to you? Let us know in the comments.