A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism.
Shea Bukharin told the Herald, “I was always up for collective ownership of wealth. The wealth shouldn’t be in the hands of a few plutocrats but an equal share of it in the hands of the proletariat whose toil it is that creates that wealth.”
Bukharin then described how the scales dropped from his eyes. “Last Saturday my numbers came up. I marched down to Singhs and handed over the winning ticket. Mr Singh handed over the money and as I turned to leave he asked if I’d be redistributing it.
Bollocks is what I think to that. I earned the 2 quid it cost for the ticket delivering kebabs to drunks. I bought it and I collected the winnings from the shop so I should spend it.”
Bukharin then revealed, “I suppose I was only really interested in Marxism because of my anger at my dad and Hollywood continually rejecting my screenplays about zombies taking over in Game of Thrones. I desperately want to work there.
My attachment to Marxist doctrine probably stems from my university days. I discovered it was a good way to simultaneously piss my dad off and get top notch blow jobs from hippy birds. Then the blow jobs dried up and they started to expect me to get a job in insurance. But with this win on the lottery has reversed everything.
Think about it. Basically Marxism means I should work then give the money to some homeless bloke. Bollocks to that. Let him work. I’m off to buy more lottery tickets with this. Then when I win I’ll not need Hollywood’s money. I can finance my own film.”
