The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.

“We need all the thoughts and prayers the nation can spare” said Suzanne Baxter of the Wellwisher foundation.

“Food clothes and money makes a little difference to these poor peoples lives, but Facebook love heart likes and profile picture banners do so much more. The council and government have done next to nothing to support the survivors of the fire. The Wellwisher foundation is the only local authority that is delivering these all important thoughts and prayers from around the nation to those who need it.”

Solomon Wugabe, a resident of Grenfell tower broke down into tears when he witnessed the convoy of lorries unloading thoughts and prayers from around the nation

“It was such a beautiful thing. I was awoke from my cot in the church hall to the jubilant sound of wagon horns. I put on my soot stained slippers and ran outside. At first I thought it was the food and clothing donations that have been sat in warehouses, but not distributed as the council are no where to be seen; then I saw the trucks unloading crates of thoughts and prayers and I knew everything was going to be ok.”

Helen Potter, another Grenfell resident had just been told she was to be moved to Birmingham, miles away from her job and family or declare herself homeless by choice.

“I was mortified, I’ve been let down by the landlord, resulting in my home and possessions being destroyed and then by the government, which is happy to completely ruin my life and move me half way across the country away from my roots. But then I saw the thoughts and prayers being unloaded and couldn’t stop smiling, it’s completely solved everything.”

Thomas Grant had this to say

“Sure my only child is missing or dead and I’ve not received any information what so ever, but I have a pocket full of thoughts and I heard #prayforgrenfell is trending in the millions. Silver linings and all that.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.