International coal prices have jumped to $120 a tonne, their highest since 2011, following news that a British court has sentenced Daily Mail columnist and professional right wing bigot, Katy Hopkins to be burned at the stake.

Speaking to the Herald’s energy market supplement, Rochdale Clagg Weekly, international coal trader and chimney fuels expert Bert Van Dyke commented that the price jump is clearly demand related but how much of that demand is directly attributable to Ms Chopstick’s imminent immolation is open to debate.

“Due to her unpalatable gelatinous nature and clear lack of any sort of moral fibre, Ms Cockpins will prove a tough lady to ignite so will require considerable quantities of added hydrocarbons, coal being the obvious choice for a slow painful burn,” he explained.

However he added that clearly the market was anticipating that this short term need is likely to spark a longer term trend.

“Ms Cuntface isn’t the only despicable right wing bigot in the UK, or even in the world. Clearly the market has sensed a trend and is anticipating a growing need to publicly incinerate the sub human scum for the sake of saving western civilisation from degenerating into a orgy of medieval violence and retribution.” he said.

Asked whether such market trend might not itself be both evidence of and cause for such a trend Mr Van Dykeparks shrugged.

“You buy into the neo-liberal, laissez-faire doctrine of so called “free markets” controlling everything and defining what is acceptable in return for greater so-called efficiency, and frankly you deserve everything you get.” he said.

“Clearly there is a glut of distasteful fascistic rhetoric emerging from the bulk of the UK media owned and controlled by a bunch of far right hypocrites, resident abroad and interested only in pouring ever increasing amounts of money into their bottomless pockets,” he said.

“When you have a glut of one product, it’s price falls and the increase in available capital causes demand for other products, and hence their prices, to rise,” he said complaining that not only coal prices have soared recently.

“I popped into Homebase earlier. Charcoal prices are through the roof, they’d sold out of hammers and sickles, and all the chains in their garden fencing department had been broken,” he said.

“And they’d just taken delivery of a truck load of bathroom tiles bearing slogans like “workers of the world unite”, “Venceremos” and “Ni dieu, ni maitre” – clearly the market, it is a changin’ ” he added.

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